Post by Phayun-C on Jul 30, 2006 20:37:27 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm about to go on and on about how nobody understands me. Not usually much for the mindless emo drivel, but every once in a while, I just need to get something off my shoulders, ya know? And, hey! Why not do it here, where perhaps others can commiserate and feel sorry for themselves with me?!
Okay, so I'm feeling pretty alone right now. I mean, not because I feel really away from all of you or anything. You guys fricken rock, in case you don't hear it often enough. Best group a' friends a guy could ask for. Well, actually, you fellas do smell a little funky every once in a while, but besides that, grade-fricken-A.
But feeling like an outsider at a church I've been going to for 8 years? That's a little much for me to stomach. I mean, in my friggen youth group, where I'm supposed to be able to share whatever I feel, you know? And it's almost exclusively one thing that makes me feel such an outcast. Flirting. Fricken childish flirting.
I expect it at school. That's all anyone ever does at school. Thankfully, most of my friends know to stay away from it for the most part. But, right now, it feels like I'm about the only person on earth not desperately searching for a boy/girlfriend, whether they already have one or not.
One of my best church friends, who I've been friends with for like 5 years, now irritates me like I can't even begin to explain. He's always had views on the whole bf/gf thing that I've found immature (he once talked about getting frustrated with his friend because he wouldn't go out with a girl who was three years younger than him. He patiently explained to me that it didn't really matter who you went out with, since you could fall in love with them anyway. So, really, it was just important to have a girlfriend...), but I always just figured it was a stage. Well, now he has a girlfriend, and claims to love her completely and totally, and yet flirts with every single girl who passes by. And it drives me fricken nuts! He's supposed to be a pillar of our youth group! If you asked anyone in our group who was more mature, him or me, they would all say him, hands-down... It's like I'm the only one who actually sees what's going on, and it frustrates me to no end! While I've been gone on all my trips, he buddied up with my dad and worked with him writing skits, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I have to compete for my father's attention. And, lemme tell ya, I'm really not diggin' it.
It's like every day, the number of kids I can count on to be normal, sane individuals dwindles. It's like everyone I friggen know! With the exception of you guys, of course. If they don't have a bf/gf, #1 priority is to get one. If they do have a bf/gf, #1 priority is to get a better one! What kind of messed up crap is this?!
[sigh] I can usually just do my best to ignore it, and try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but tonight... tonight, I just need to let off some steam. Refuel with patience till next ranting time... Just kinda feel sick to my stomach right now, ya know?
So, yeah. Sorry for burdening you with my self-pity. I'm just so tired of keeping it all inside. I feel like shaking every one of them and yelling "WAKE UP! There's more important things in life! How can you expect anything good to come out of such a twisted, false system?!" But, of course, they'd all feign ignorance... Or, even more frightening, actually not know what I'm talking about...
Sigh, again.
-Phayun-C
Okay, so I'm feeling pretty alone right now. I mean, not because I feel really away from all of you or anything. You guys fricken rock, in case you don't hear it often enough. Best group a' friends a guy could ask for. Well, actually, you fellas do smell a little funky every once in a while, but besides that, grade-fricken-A.
But feeling like an outsider at a church I've been going to for 8 years? That's a little much for me to stomach. I mean, in my friggen youth group, where I'm supposed to be able to share whatever I feel, you know? And it's almost exclusively one thing that makes me feel such an outcast. Flirting. Fricken childish flirting.
I expect it at school. That's all anyone ever does at school. Thankfully, most of my friends know to stay away from it for the most part. But, right now, it feels like I'm about the only person on earth not desperately searching for a boy/girlfriend, whether they already have one or not.
One of my best church friends, who I've been friends with for like 5 years, now irritates me like I can't even begin to explain. He's always had views on the whole bf/gf thing that I've found immature (he once talked about getting frustrated with his friend because he wouldn't go out with a girl who was three years younger than him. He patiently explained to me that it didn't really matter who you went out with, since you could fall in love with them anyway. So, really, it was just important to have a girlfriend...), but I always just figured it was a stage. Well, now he has a girlfriend, and claims to love her completely and totally, and yet flirts with every single girl who passes by. And it drives me fricken nuts! He's supposed to be a pillar of our youth group! If you asked anyone in our group who was more mature, him or me, they would all say him, hands-down... It's like I'm the only one who actually sees what's going on, and it frustrates me to no end! While I've been gone on all my trips, he buddied up with my dad and worked with him writing skits, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I have to compete for my father's attention. And, lemme tell ya, I'm really not diggin' it.
It's like every day, the number of kids I can count on to be normal, sane individuals dwindles. It's like everyone I friggen know! With the exception of you guys, of course. If they don't have a bf/gf, #1 priority is to get one. If they do have a bf/gf, #1 priority is to get a better one! What kind of messed up crap is this?!
[sigh] I can usually just do my best to ignore it, and try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but tonight... tonight, I just need to let off some steam. Refuel with patience till next ranting time... Just kinda feel sick to my stomach right now, ya know?
So, yeah. Sorry for burdening you with my self-pity. I'm just so tired of keeping it all inside. I feel like shaking every one of them and yelling "WAKE UP! There's more important things in life! How can you expect anything good to come out of such a twisted, false system?!" But, of course, they'd all feign ignorance... Or, even more frightening, actually not know what I'm talking about...
Sigh, again.
-Phayun-C
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