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Post by Phayun-C on Nov 21, 2005 20:16:28 GMT -5
Very nice stuff, Daemon, and it's friggen awesome that you're getting it published! Not sure that I understand it all, you'll have to explain it to me line by line sometime (cuz to me, it just sounds like emo drivel ), but it sounds cool, at any rate!
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 21, 2005 20:17:00 GMT -5
I know its all original, im just sayin it reminded me of a song.(see several posts up) and it is all cool.
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 22, 2005 23:06:17 GMT -5
i understood that, and thanx!
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 23, 2005 12:00:40 GMT -5
Thou art welcome Good Sir!
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 23, 2005 13:54:18 GMT -5
alas! nary another soul dost look upon these hallowed creations!
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 24, 2005 22:35:23 GMT -5
What dost thou meanest by these blasphemous things? Stop the self-loathing now Daemon!
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 24, 2005 22:39:10 GMT -5
im not! but have you noticed that nobody has posted here but me and you in umm... three days?
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Post by Phayun-C on Nov 25, 2005 0:44:28 GMT -5
What are we supposed to post on? I see no new poems, my friend.
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 25, 2005 11:49:00 GMT -5
FINE!
“Death in Hope” Darkness takes me far from here Onto light my heart shall steer End the torment, pain and fear. End my life of anger and spite, Move onto a greater height. Into darkness I shall stare Moving on with such great care.
“Sniper” In the heat, burning hot, Before my eyes could see, I felt the pain of evil shot And my body I would leave.
“Sweet Dreams” In shattered song And graceful sight I’ll soon belong To dreadful night.
now review!
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Post by Phayun-C on Nov 25, 2005 12:15:10 GMT -5
The first one has a bit of a problem with the rhyming, I think. The first "ere" sound is done for three lines, and the others are done for only two. Dunno if you meant to do this or not, w/e. And the "moving on with such great care" seems to kind of clash with the rest. It's all about leaving stress and cares behind, and the last line makes it sound like you're cautious.
Other than that, good stuff. Hey, you said to review them, lol.
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 25, 2005 21:35:36 GMT -5
Those were good Daemon, very good stuff. If theres one thing i have noticed in your work, is that you have a slight preoccupation with the macabre, which is fine because it lends a certain something into your work, something thats hard to place, but a good something.
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 26, 2005 0:01:45 GMT -5
thank you both! i will clarify before i post more, yes, i did mean to do the "AAABBCC" scheme... dunno why... just a little 7 line poem, and i hate to have one line not rhyme lol
here are the next two!
“Hell” In the darkest, bleakest moment In the hour of thy doom, From the father of atonement You will see your final tomb.
“Insane Wish” Screams of hatred, full of spite, Tearing through my rattled brain, The thought of my own respite, As the rendered grave I leave.
review!
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 27, 2005 15:09:28 GMT -5
Hmmmmmm.........I dont think I fully understand what youre trying to say there daemon, So please to be explaining it to me please.
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Post by [QVC]-Branmuffin on Nov 30, 2005 17:51:10 GMT -5
which one? i thought they were both self-explanatory!
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thetalkinggrunt
Definitely has no life
The Unyielding Hierophant
Posts: 1,108
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Post by thetalkinggrunt on Nov 30, 2005 21:14:12 GMT -5
Hrm, some poetry leaves me with questions and your last two left me that way, sorry but sometimes I am a little slow on the uptake.
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