Dungeons&Dargons @ TTU

[[QVC]-Branmuffin]

goncratulation!

[nordicsumo]

let's see it!

[snerlin]

Very well, children. Gather around and I shall tell you more of the adventures of taco prophet Arzel Blatimus! ... and Phil, Vixen, and Calyo.



Session 8: Quest for the Fried Chicken

part 1-

The party goes into the demon village and is quickly greeted by demons of all shapes and sizes with pointy spears, torces, and pitchforks. Some demons were horny (I mean they have horns ), some had tails, some were red all over, and some had more than two legs. One succubus was indeed very horny (she had bigger horns), but she was good-aligned and decked out in paladin equipment with a white, glowing sword. Most of the other demons are wary of her. However, she's not very important right now. Maybe in a later adventure... The demons asked the party where they from and why they were there.

Vixen used her body language to seduce the demons into calming down and being nicer to the party. The demons then apologized to her for welcoming the party badly, but they're still curious where the party is from. The party answers that they came here through a portal on a volcanic island. The demons then offer to give the party a tour of the village to make up for their rudeness.

The demons explain that they're so rude to outsiders because they've been having trouble with their crops lately. The weather has been perfect. There have been highs in the 130's, occassional acid rain, and a bit of overcast with sulfuric gas clouds. However, their radishes have been running wild and ruining the rest of their crops. However, the party forgets about the issue when the demons show them the tower lab of the local meteorologist imps, Gribble, Grabble, and Gook.

Gribble, Grobble, and Gook are pretty much the town's obligatory wizards/mad scientists, the crowd explains. They're also in charge of predicting the weather (which they're successful at half the time) and making the special effects for the upcoming village Thanksgivingween party.

The demons of heck used to only celebrate Halloween. However, ever since the couple times that they tried to have some fun by ruining the other holidays, the higher planes punished them by forcing them to celebrate all other holidays from all the religions! However, the demons still managed to get away with adding "ween" to the end of all the holidays' names.

Gook comes out from behind the lab and offers to let the party look at all the cool stuff inside their tower lab. After some reluctance, the party enters since Gook says they have Mountain Dew and cookies. Inside they find Gribble and Grabble working on some experiments. Desks and tables are littered with books, alchemical equipment, potions, magical doodads, and meteorology equipment.

The meteorologist imps tell the party about their current project that they're making for the Thanksgivingween party: A fog machine with special spooky effects! Their machine is all built, but just one thing is missing: the fog water. However, this machine can't just use any ordinary water. Otherwise the special effects won't work. They need some magic water from a well in the Charred Brownie Woods.

The party goes and buys some equipment from the shops around the village before heading out. Sshoobedabooy tries to find the succubus paladin to get her to help them on their adventure, but she is nowhere to be found. He asks around to find out where she went. After seeing through the lies that many demons have told him, he finds out that she went on a quest to find gold in Vietnam. She had a feeling that the Godwins took it. The Godwins were on the run and paid for American hide. (a cookie for anyone who can guess what Teatons song I'm referencing)

After gearing up, the party stands in the town square wondering exactly how to get to the Charred Brownie Woods. Little brightly-clothed demon children start surrounding the party and tell them that they must follow the Yellow Brick Road. They start singing the Yellow Brick Road song and the party makes haste to escape from their silly song. They get away just before the Lolipop Gang gets a chance to attack.

After following the Yellow Brick Road for about an hour or so, the party arrives at the entrance to the Charred Brownie Woods. They must head into the heart of the woods to where the well is. However, the road forks off in several directions not too far in. One way leads to the neck of the woods. Another leads to the elbow of the woods. And yet another leads to the heart of the woods. Thankfully all the paths are labeled, so the party has no trouble.

They follow the path to the heart of the woods and eventually come to a circular clearing with a well in the center about 10 ft in diameter with a red roof on it and an axle to tie a bucket to with some rope. This is obviously the well the meteorologist imps were talking about. Thankfully the party thought to buy both a bucket and bundle of rope. They tie the bucket to the axle and lower it down to the bottom to collect the magic water.

They bring it up and discover that the water is leaking out of the bottom of the bucket and mouth things appear on the ground and drink the water. They hear a trickling sound as the water drips through the ground back into the well. Sshoobedabooy inspects the bucket and finds that there aren't any leaks in it. Arzel inspects the well and finds out that the well has a magic effect causing its water to leak out of anything holding it.

Vixen then gets the idea that if one of them drinks the water, maybe they could hold it in long enough to get it back to town. She volunteers and drinks a new already half-empty bucket of magic water. She immediately feels an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom. She holds it in just long enough to run into the woods and commune with nature behind a bunch of trees. Need I say anything else? Well, the water again gets replaced into the well.

[nordicsumo]

How WILL they do it??

[snerlin]

session 8 part 2-

Suddenly, the party feels a small quake in the earth under their feet and they hear a thundering sound in the distance. Then the thundering sound turns to a crashing sound. The party can hear trees falling not too far away and crows fly up from the mostly dead trees. Then the sound draws closer and becomes a loud stomping sound accompanied by the obnoxious playing of bagpipes. Then a 100 ft troll with a Scottish berret and bagpipes burst into the clearing through the trees.

[[QVC]-Branmuffin]

One way leads to the neck of the woods. Another leads to the elbow of the woods. And yet another leads to the heart of the woods. Thankfully all the paths are labeled, so the party has no trouble.

So, were the Deep Fat Friars there? XD

[snerlin]

wait! I'm not done yet. Teh Internets crashed on me while I was in the middle of writing the other half, so I couldn't finish it.

[nordicsumo]

Good. It would be rather anti-climactic to end there.

[[QVC]-Branmuffin]

yust an tad lol

[snerlin]

session 8 part 3

The troll looked down and noticed the band of heroes. He becomes angry and threatens to stompo them like potato cakes and annoy them with bagpipe commercial jingles. However, the party then explains that they need to get water from the well for the Thanksgivingween party back in town. The troll calms down and apologizes for his misunderstanding. He has problems with other demons trying to steal his water.

He tells them that since they want the water so bad, he'll let them take some. However, they must use his magic bucket and rope to draw the water up and carry it back to the village. He tosses the moldy magic bucket to Phil and the moldy magic rope to Vixen. Immediately, Phil's paws are glued to the bucket and he inflates to the size and shape of a sumo wrestler. Also, Vixen's rope wraps itself around the bucket's handle and draws Vixen toward Phil until she is forced to press her hands against him. Now she cannot have more than one hand off of Phil at a time, and Phil has a lot of trouble moving on his own. Then Vixen becomes bald and acne erupts all over her face.

The troll stares at the two confusedly, wondering why they just turned into a Katamari Damaci reference. Then he remembers that he cursed his bucket and rope so hulligans won't try to steal them to steal his water. He feels sorry for them and offers to remove the curse. However, he has trouble casting spells on an empty stomache, so he asks the party to do him a favor: he requests them to bring him a large tub of delicious fried chicken from Sanford and Son's restaurant in town.

The party agrees to get him his chicken and heads back to town. Vixen rolls Phil along and forces him to eat things on the ground such as lolipops left by the Lolipop gang who recently graffittied the Charred Brownie Woods and a couple shelkin brownies.

They arrive at Sanford and Son's restaurant and order some chicken. Sanford, a big black demon with big red lips 1 meter wide, a chef's hat, and eyes staring in opposite directions, says he'd be happy to cook some of his famous fried chicken up for them. It'll only cost them "tree fiddey". He tells them to just wait a cotton pickin' minute, and he goes to the back to do some frying.

They wait for 1 cotton pickin' minute, then another, and then 10 cotton pickin' minutes have passed. Eventually he comes out from the back and says that he has the chicken, but he's run out of bacon grease to fry it with. The party then asks if he could just use regular cooking oil instead of bacon grease. Sanford has never heard of cooking oil and looks confusedly at the party. He then turns to his son, Son, who looks exactly like Sanford except 1/3 as tall, and asks if he knows what the party is meaning by "cooking oil". Son replies by firing a large lazer out of his mouth through the ceiling. Sanford agrees with his son and has no idea what they're talking about.

He then arranges a deal with the party: he'll make them a tub full of his fried chicken for free if they'll bring him a couple tubs full of bacon grease. He tells them that he normally gets his bacon from a tribe of flying pig demons that lives across the desert to the east.

The party prepares to cross the desert by buying some extra water pouches and they set off. They pass the farmers' fields outskirting Munchykin Hollow and come to the desert's edge. They peer across the desolate landscape and see some heat waves, tumbleweeds, and the little silhouetto of a man. They chase after the little silhouetto of the man and realize that it is just a cactus. Sshoobedabooy gets out a dagger and slashes across the cactus's side. The cactus howled out in pain and clutched its side as cactus blood began to pour forth. Ironically, in only hurt itself more by stabbing itself with its needles when it clutched its side. The party continued across the desert. Vixen rolled Phil around and picked up a bunch of cactuses. They crossed the crossed the desert without any problems (those extra water pouches sure came handy) and they arrive at the other side.

Not too far from them was the flying pig demon tribe's village. It is a small village consisting of several teepees with a bon fire in the center of the village, and a long metal shack towards the back. Flying pig demons circle the skies above the village. The heroes approach the village, and as they enter, all the pig demons fly down and surround them, pointing spears and barbeque forks in their general direction. Then from one large teepee, two really small flying pigs fold out a red carpet going toward the party, and a big giant fat flying big with a fancy headdress comes out from the teepee. He strides over to where the party issurrounded and demands them to announce their business in their village.

The party tells the chief that Sanford sent them to get bacon grease. Immediately, the tribe is no longer hostile. The chief and Sanford are old friends and he welcomes the party into the village. He leads them to the metal shack towards the back of the village where they produce their bacon grease. The two little piggies unfurl the red carpet for him to walk on towards the shack.

They go inside and see two DDR machines with large metal tubs attached to them. The chief tells the party that his tribe uses the machines to lose weight so they'll be light enough to fly, and how Sanford gets to keep their bacon grease in return. He calls in his two finest warriors to play DDR on heavy and work up some grease. However, for some reason the game doesn't start. The chief asks his warriors what is wrong, and the warriors reply that they don't have enough credits. It needs two quarters.

Everyone frantically searches under the machines for loose change, but all they find are a bunch of pennies, a couple dimes, and a collector's boar bristle hair brush that is guaranteed to give your hair the golden sheen of a pure-bred golden retriever.
However, hope is not lost. The chief knows of an evil wizard who lives in a tower just north who collects coins. He is certain to have quarters in his collection.

The party goes to the wizard's tower and they knock on the front door. There is no answer. They bang on the door louder and there is still no answer. Then they notice a doorbell. They ring the doorbell and they hear the voice of an irate old man inside.

--continued

[snerlin]

session 8 part 4

The party hears the geezer coming the stairs within the tower from the top floor. He goes slow at first, but then they hear him trip and fall the rest of the way down the stairs. Many hurtness sound effects ensue. Footsteps approach the door and it opens. The party looks down and sees a short old wizard dressed in evil wizard-looking robes. He asks the wippersnappers what they want, threatening to feed them to demon babies if they're just pulling some joke on him.

The party tells the evil wizard that they have come to offer a coin trade. His eyes brighten and he immediately becomes more friendly to them. He ushers them inside and leads them upstairs. They get to the 2nd floor when the wizard turns to them. The party halts, and he says in a quiet voice that the party must be very quiet going through the library on the second floor. He has enchanted the room to keep out young hooligans who come to steal his magical stuff, and the traps are sound-activated. The party sneaks across the room.

However, as they make it half-way, however, the wizard gets a whiff of dust up his nose, causing him to sneeze loudly and fall onto the table in the room's center. The table breaks under his weight, and a bottle of ink is flung off from the leverage and breaks on the eyes of an sentient painting on the other side of the room. The painting begins screaming and yelling that it is blind because of the black ink all over its eyes.

A quill on the table and two large bookshelves come to life and threaten to stompitize the intruders. Calyo flies to safety on the staircase on the other side of the circular room. The wizard also goes to the stairs and cowers. The quill soars at Sshoobedabooy and tries to stab him, but he dodges and it gets stuck in the wall. Sshoobedabooy returns the attack by frying it with a laser from his lazer lute spell. The nearest bookcase approaches Vixen and tries to fall ontop of her, crushing her under its weight, but she dodges. It gets back up and then punches her with an arm made of books. It deals a ton of damage, because knowledge is power. She heals herself and then Arzel and Sshoobedabooy char it with fireballs and lazers. Arzel casts a shrinking spell on the remaining animated bookshelf. Vixen rolls Phil onto it causing him to eat it and grow in size! (He is now 2.5 meters tall)

The wizard then leads the party the rest of the way up the stairs to the top floor where his room is. It has a bed on one side of the room, a desk, a dresser, and a magic ritual circle surrounded by flaming spires (The circle has an XD face on it). He goes to one side of the room where there is a bare brick wall. He presses against a certain brick and says "brotwurst" in Dargonic. The bricks in the wall unfold to reveal a small room filled with display shelves full of coins. The party trades him a bunch of the rare pennies and the dimes they found for a bunch of quarters.

The party then returns to the piggy tribe. They hand the quarters to the cheif. He calls in his finest warriors to play DDR. They play on DDR on heavy, not missing a single beat, and they work up more grease than is humanly possible. The party crosses the desert again and takes the tubs of bacon grease back to Sanford. He cooks up the chicken, and the party returns to the troll with the tub full of Sanford and Son's fried chicken.

The troll awakens from his nap and notices that the party has come back for the chicken. He thanks the adventurers for bringing him the food, but the only problem is that he doesn't really feel like fried chicken anymore. Instead he decides that he could really go for a bunch of tacos.

The party now realizes that this quest was really a big waste of time and their jaws drop. Arzel summons a large pile of tacos to satisfy the troll. He thanks the party graciously by removing the curse on the rope and bucket. The troll then picks up Phil, who is now about 5 meters tall, and tosses him up into space. Phil becomes a planet for a second and then goes back down to the party, returned to normal. Vixen's hair grows back and her acne goes away.

The party then uses the now uncursed rope and bucket to get the magic water and get it to the meterologist imps. They are then rewarded with treasure for going through all the trouble of a stupid dumb trading quest. XD

[[QVC]-Branmuffin]

Holy reference sassafrass Batman! XD

[wowposter]

Disregard that, I'm a colorful fellow.

[wowposter]

Disregard that, I suck arrogants.